Rishi comes up with something from time to time which makes me stop what I am doing and stare at him in wonder. What he says are often funny, smart and very authentic Rishi. I stare at him, utter the hopefully right words and feel a little taller in pride. I want to capture these moments and frame them for all to see and show them to the world-'Come look - this is my boy'.
He told me the other day -' Mama, you guys took too much care of me. Thats the reason why I have to come to your bed every night'.While I was LOL ing, I told him, 'OK, we will stop and you can stay in your bed for the night'. Then he goes, ' Now it won't work as I got used to it'. YEAH RIGHT!! :)
He came upto me the other day and told me -'Mama, you are too thin. You look like Jackson'. Jackson is a boy in his class who he thinks is too thin. Should I be happy??? Don't know - but what a 'Rishi speak'!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
One more step closer....
...to audlthood. Rishi is growing up ...and fast. It is a bitter sweet feeling for me to watch him stride ahead. While I feel nostalgic that my little boy is growing up so fast, I feel pride in his growth.
Sunday, August 15th'10 marked a mini milestone. We had gone to Fred Meyer for some grocery shopping. Rishi wanted to buy a doughnut and I let him stand in the checkout line alone. I watched him as he patiently stood in line for his turn, with a doughnut in one hand and a dollar in the other. When it was his turn, he confidently handed the money to the cashier and came out with a big smile on his face.
The doughnut was only $0.85, but the feeling it evoked - PRICELESS!!
Sunday, August 15th'10 marked a mini milestone. We had gone to Fred Meyer for some grocery shopping. Rishi wanted to buy a doughnut and I let him stand in the checkout line alone. I watched him as he patiently stood in line for his turn, with a doughnut in one hand and a dollar in the other. When it was his turn, he confidently handed the money to the cashier and came out with a big smile on his face.
The doughnut was only $0.85, but the feeling it evoked - PRICELESS!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Expecting validation != Insecurity.
Playing arm chair psychiatrist again.
I was wondering if seeking validation is being insecure. After giving it much thought, I came to the happy conclusion that it definitely is not - at least not when you want validation from some people. It hardly matters to me if everybody I interact with accepts me for who I am. At the same time - I can feel I need validation from some people close to me. Why did I need to be told that I was pretty? Why did I need to feel accepted? Why was I so confident with some and not so much with someone close to me? The combination of it all is summed up in one word…validation. But why did I need it?
...Because by validating someone we demonstrate that we care and that their feelings matter to us– in other words, that THEY matter to us. By “mirroring” some one’s feelings, we show them that we are in tune with them. We feel connected with them and they feel connected with us.Please don’t think that because a woman/person needs validation that they are insecure. I think at some point or another every one enjoys a little validation. I see validation as a small gift wrapped in a cute, little bow. When someone validates me, it makes me feel as if someone ‘gets’ me, ‘understands’ me; it also makes me feel as if I am not alone. It feels good to know that my actions, words and feelings make sense to another person. It’s easier to relax around someone and keep down guard when there is validation. With validation come an extreme sense of connection. I crave connection and I can’t seem to feel it without some sort of validation. Does this make me needy? I think not.
I was wondering if seeking validation is being insecure. After giving it much thought, I came to the happy conclusion that it definitely is not - at least not when you want validation from some people. It hardly matters to me if everybody I interact with accepts me for who I am. At the same time - I can feel I need validation from some people close to me. Why did I need to be told that I was pretty? Why did I need to feel accepted? Why was I so confident with some and not so much with someone close to me? The combination of it all is summed up in one word…validation. But why did I need it?
...Because by validating someone we demonstrate that we care and that their feelings matter to us– in other words, that THEY matter to us. By “mirroring” some one’s feelings, we show them that we are in tune with them. We feel connected with them and they feel connected with us.Please don’t think that because a woman/person needs validation that they are insecure. I think at some point or another every one enjoys a little validation. I see validation as a small gift wrapped in a cute, little bow. When someone validates me, it makes me feel as if someone ‘gets’ me, ‘understands’ me; it also makes me feel as if I am not alone. It feels good to know that my actions, words and feelings make sense to another person. It’s easier to relax around someone and keep down guard when there is validation. With validation come an extreme sense of connection. I crave connection and I can’t seem to feel it without some sort of validation. Does this make me needy? I think not.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Musings...and Enlightments...and fundoo...
"You don't have to be right all the times. Because even if you are, things will not always be perfect. Allow yourself the luxury of being imperfect."
"Never allow someone to be your priority when you are just their option." - Unknown
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
"How fickle my heart and how seeking my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in the lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must never show"
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin
"Never allow someone to be your priority when you are just their option." - Unknown
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss
"How fickle my heart and how seeking my eyes
I struggle to find any truth in the lies
And now my heart stumbles on things I don't know
This weakness I feel I must never show"
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Letting go
what letting go means to me....
“To let go isn’t to forget,
not to think about, or ignore.
it doesn’t leave feelings of anger,
jealousy, or regret.
Letting go isn’t about winning or losing.
it’s not about pride
and it’s not about how you appear,
and it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past.
letting go isn’t blocking memories
or sinking sad thoughts,
and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness.
it’s not about giving in or giving up.
letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat.
to let go is to cherish the memories,
but to overcome and move on.
it is having an open mind
and confidence in the future.
letting go is learning and experiencing and growing.
to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that
made you laugh, made you cry, made you grow.
it’s about all that you have, all that you had,
and all that you will soon gain.
letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.
letting go is growing up.
it is realizing that the heart can sometimes
be the most potent remedy.
to let go is to open a door,
and to clear a path and set yourself free.”
"To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future. "
“To let go isn’t to forget,
not to think about, or ignore.
it doesn’t leave feelings of anger,
jealousy, or regret.
Letting go isn’t about winning or losing.
it’s not about pride
and it’s not about how you appear,
and it’s not about obsessing or dwelling on the past.
letting go isn’t blocking memories
or sinking sad thoughts,
and doesn’t leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness.
it’s not about giving in or giving up.
letting go isn’t about loss and it’s not about defeat.
to let go is to cherish the memories,
but to overcome and move on.
it is having an open mind
and confidence in the future.
letting go is learning and experiencing and growing.
to let go is to be thankful for the experiences that
made you laugh, made you cry, made you grow.
it’s about all that you have, all that you had,
and all that you will soon gain.
letting go is having the courage to accept change,
and the strength to keep moving.
letting go is growing up.
it is realizing that the heart can sometimes
be the most potent remedy.
to let go is to open a door,
and to clear a path and set yourself free.”
"To let go does not mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off,
it's the realization I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable,
but allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means
the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to try to change or blame another,
it's to make the most of myself.
To let go is not to care for,
but to care about.
To let go is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their destinies.
To let go is not to be protective,
it's to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny,
but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold or argue,
but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.
To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future. "
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
RIP Meghna's mom
Its been about a month now since I got the news of Meghna's mom passing away and I still can't get the news out of my head.I can so clearly 'see' her face even now.
I only know the lovely lady as Meghna's mom and I am so ashamed that I never made an effort to even know her name. I met them when we lived in Bellevue and when I used to take Rishi to the park. They visited the park often and we exchanged smiles and a hello every once in a while. I wondered sometimes why she wore a wig but never asked her or tried to find out. Meghna is a few years older than Rishi and Rishi referred to her as the big Meghna. So, 'big' Meghna is now left motherless at a very young age of 12.
Rest in peace, Meghna's mom!!
I only know the lovely lady as Meghna's mom and I am so ashamed that I never made an effort to even know her name. I met them when we lived in Bellevue and when I used to take Rishi to the park. They visited the park often and we exchanged smiles and a hello every once in a while. I wondered sometimes why she wore a wig but never asked her or tried to find out. Meghna is a few years older than Rishi and Rishi referred to her as the big Meghna. So, 'big' Meghna is now left motherless at a very young age of 12.
Rest in peace, Meghna's mom!!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Ma
Ma thaught us this Bengali poem when we were little and somehow I never forgot it. I don't know who the author is and neither does she. But it is such an beautiful poem.
"Ma hoyechish bole Ma tor
Eto demaak bhujhi?
Ami tobe kom kishe jai
Bolchi shoja shoji.
Amake tui kole niye
Dakish Khokon bole
Amar jodi thakto Ma jor
Tokei nitam kole.
Moni mashi, Khuku pishi
Kaka,Mama jaara
Toke chere aamai keno
Ador kore taara?
Office theke eshe Baapi
Amaai kebol roji
Ador kore nei Ma kole
Kore na tor khoji.
Tui o bhishon dushtu meye
Oder saathe pore
Lojja keno dish Ma amay
Ador kore kore.
Jedin aamar jonmo holo
Adhar nishit raate
Tor o to Ma jonmo holo
Taari saathe saathe.
Michei keno korish demaag
Ma hoyechish bole?
Aage amar jonmo holo
Ma holi tui pore."
Happy Mothers day to my dear Ma and all the mothers of the world including me!
"Ma hoyechish bole Ma tor
Eto demaak bhujhi?
Ami tobe kom kishe jai
Bolchi shoja shoji.
Amake tui kole niye
Dakish Khokon bole
Amar jodi thakto Ma jor
Tokei nitam kole.
Moni mashi, Khuku pishi
Kaka,Mama jaara
Toke chere aamai keno
Ador kore taara?
Office theke eshe Baapi
Amaai kebol roji
Ador kore nei Ma kole
Kore na tor khoji.
Tui o bhishon dushtu meye
Oder saathe pore
Lojja keno dish Ma amay
Ador kore kore.
Jedin aamar jonmo holo
Adhar nishit raate
Tor o to Ma jonmo holo
Taari saathe saathe.
Michei keno korish demaag
Ma hoyechish bole?
Aage amar jonmo holo
Ma holi tui pore."
Happy Mothers day to my dear Ma and all the mothers of the world including me!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Gone today....back tomorrow :(
Talking about the flab here.
I was so proud when I was able to drop the last 3lbs that I needed to lose. Countless agonizing hours at the gym and it was 'flab begone'. Sadly the pride or my svelte self didn't last long. It took only 3 months to get back the 3 lbs which I lost in 6 months. Not fair!!
But then - who said life IS fair????
I guess back to the extra hours at the gym.
I was so proud when I was able to drop the last 3lbs that I needed to lose. Countless agonizing hours at the gym and it was 'flab begone'. Sadly the pride or my svelte self didn't last long. It took only 3 months to get back the 3 lbs which I lost in 6 months. Not fair!!
But then - who said life IS fair????
I guess back to the extra hours at the gym.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Excitement..........
.....over my new Clematis!!!
They sit in the garage while I envision their beautiful blooms - when they bloom. I bought a packet of 5 Clematis today and all I have been thinking of ever since is how my dreary backyard is going to be so transformed this year. Not that I have lifted a finger...or the shovel to 'transform' it yet, but I know when the Clematis bloom, transform it will. I have 5 of them - so 2 in the backyard, 2 in front and 1 in the container for whereever.
They sit in the garage while I envision their beautiful blooms - when they bloom. I bought a packet of 5 Clematis today and all I have been thinking of ever since is how my dreary backyard is going to be so transformed this year. Not that I have lifted a finger...or the shovel to 'transform' it yet, but I know when the Clematis bloom, transform it will. I have 5 of them - so 2 in the backyard, 2 in front and 1 in the container for whereever.
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